Blue Plate (Neutral Bay) - An Open Letter

Dear Whoever-in-the-hell-is-in-charge-now,

We have been visiting your restaurant in Neutral Bay for a few years now. We even had our birthday a couple years back at your sister restaurant, South. That was, oh yes, until that establishment went the same direction as its name.

I'll start by admitting that your Buffalo wings are amazing. Stunning. And very, very tasty. Pricey, but awesome. Unfortunately, that's where your competitive advantage begins and ends. We hoped the pulled pork sandwich, ribs, or hamburgers would be as good as I remember from growing up in the States. But no, it's all pretty much shit. And I don't mean hit-or-miss, I mean consistently atrocious. And don't get me started on the service. You'd think it was a North Korean gulag by the enthusiasm (or lack thereof) in the staff. But we still came back for the wings. And nothing else.

So, I'm an NFL fan. American football. And I bleed red, white, and blue for my New England Patriots. I saw them through many, many, many bad years growing up and it's just great seeing them having such a consistent run of quality teams. And this year is no different. We have a real good chance at getting to the Super Bowl again. It's been nine years since we won one and Brady's not getting any younger so my fingers and toes are crossed.

Yesterday I called up a few friends and we all agreed to watch the game at noon at my house. And what a better way to enjoy some good American football than to enjoy a crap load of Buffalo wings? Well, throw in some Samuel Adams and I'm one happy man. That is, if the Pats actually win (which they did). So I rang your restaurant last evening, and I believe I talked to the manager. God, I hope it wasn't the owner. The lack of interest in selling me six buckets of wings was palpable. Seriously, that's over $100 worth of wings. "What time do you open?", I asked. "Noon", was the reply. Could I order beforehand and pick them up at noon? Not a chance. That would just be too much effort. But for some reason, I still held faith. I believed that Blue Plate wouldn't let me down. Despite the horrid food and Antarctic service I held out hope that at least I could rely on the wings.

So I woke up this morning and rang at 11am. To my surprise I got the same manager as last night. Hooray! Could I drop in a cheeky early order of wings and pick them up at noon? I mean seriously, to make Buffalo wings all you have to do is drop chicken wings in the deep fryer and then coat them in mountains of sauce. How easier to score over $100 in revenue? But I should have known... Not only couldn't I order early, you wouldn't open until 1pm. Why? "My staff is running late. I mean, I even had to come in as emergency staff".

There you go. And a big fuck you. So I went to the shops, picked up 6kg of wings for $39 and drenched them in Ken's Buffalo sauce from our trip to the States last year. A total of $50 but about $200 worth of wings in your place. The Gourmet Female even made her homemade bleu cheese dressing and celery/carrots and it shits all over your crap.

So why did I write this letter? I'm not sure. It's kind of a "Dear John" letter to a place that I once held sacred. While all else was forgettable, at least I could depend on your wings. Service be damned. But there you go. Not only are your wings overpriced, you don't even want to sell them. Newsflash: places like Epoque are even now churning out great Buffalo wings. The one leg you had to stand on is now gone. Enjoy the months you survive in 2014. I'm actually now looking forward to the "For Lease" sign.

Good night.

And please, don't open another restaurant. Leave it to those who love food, value their guests, and actually give a toss. Too much good food in Sydney to waste time on your restaurant. Actually, I want money back for even taking the time to write this post.

And by the way, I would have emailed this to you but there's no email address on your website. Epic fail.

Regards,

The Gourmet Male